Two clowns from Wigan join the circus

Well guys this trip has got random as mentioned before we may of had a job with the carnival, well the day after the blog was posted we where told to head to Dalby to start (cheers Josh O'Brein, Prescott Lion driving around ina ford orian). We said are goodbyes to the Wigan lads and heading North for a nice easy 4 hour coach trip. Will miss the boys a bit we have had a proper laugh last few weeks im sure we will meet up again at some point. As I type they have flew to Sydney and look to have secured some decent jobs so good luck lads.

We met are new gaffer Glen and his partner Andrea they introduced us too the rest of the team Wozza & Stupid (yes thats hes name, still feel daft saying it) and we were thrust straight into action.....somebody had pinched a air rifle off the shooting range so we had to go find it, not exactly Moss Side but its the maddest thing we have heard anybody do over here. There is hardly any crime it must be boring being a Bobby i got pulled and breathalised after driving 10 yards they seemed gutted i passed, they quizzed me n John and let us go and seemed dissapointed nothing interesting happened, im tempted tell them I have raped myself just to give them something useful to think about for a few seconds the fat silly sods. 

Good thing over here is there are bbqs on parks and stuff everywhere that folk can just use and weights that you can use. Can you imagine that in Wigan? the smackheads would be cooking there smack up on the bbq and Xercise 4 Less would be trying claim the weights belonged to them and send you 17 extra texts a day...also for the record I never signed up or intend to visit anytime soon so stop fucking texting me!!!!

Iv been thinking too about Wigan this last few days and the daft idiots init. I aint homesick one bit (i miss a few ppl you know who u are) but if you could bring a handful of people over it would be perfect. Like i doubt anybody round here would reverse home from Pier for 2 miles like Scot Avy did, you wouldnt find a guy sneaking a pack of sausages into a nightclub and start swinging them round, aint seen any girls (Discharge) flashing old men walking his dog with there knockers at 8am or Hobsy for instance when doing his job application wrote 'done a bit of judo' in martial status because he thought it said 'Martial Arts Status' . Got told a story too off my Dad just before we set off which still tickles me; a guy was on a railway bridge near Boars Head and was ready jump when a guy he knew was walking past and tried calm him down by saying ''dont jump off there you will just break your legs, climb down and jump in front of a train'' the man on the edge of suicide replied with ''im not climbing down there, there is loads of nettles'' haha he didnt go through with it so guess it worked. They say life flashs before your eyes before you die...he would of been itching and thinking of finding some doc leaves.

Anyways we got shown are living chambers for the next couple of month which is a trailer about 10 by 6 foot with all the creature comforts of back home Tv, Beds, Fridge, Microwave, Oven, Stove and are very own branch to keep the window closed. Its cosey but aint a place you would bring a bird back (similar to my messy bedroom) too. They call birds over here 'Sheilas' why??? I dont no but I like it. We did are first day on the dodgems which is where we be mainly based, John got the job as a human cannonball but was fired. I was telling them about my old job as a trapeze artist, it still hurts they let me go. Jokes aside it is a doddle and watching John trying to jump on and steer them when they are stuck is hillarious, its like watching Bambi trying to do a routine on a Gymnastics beam. Hes been run over about 5 times already and is complaining of a sore ankle. The hard part about this job though is packing up and setting up its tough graft and hard learning what order it goes in etc. we are picking it up slowly and its a good workout...Told you I didnt need you Xercise 4 less!!!

We did are second show in a place called 'Wandoan' which is a small town full of Cowboys picture cowboy hats, cheque shirts, buckle belts, denin, cowboy boots and Runcorn (and i thought Wigans finest ben sherman and white socks was bad) John made me laugh by saying watch out for the lad with the shirt, hat and jeans for sneaking on....mmmm which one I wonder????. They had a destruction derby and rodeo stuff and a nice little firework display after. Iv never got my head round how they actually work, like who decided make fireworks really?. Its scorching now here high 20's everyday but gets to like -2 at night...cant wait to get up North. Ran over a Kangaroo too which was nice.

As I type we have reached are new town untill Monday its a gaff called 'Monto' seems better than the last town we was in with a few boozers to, they dont look like no Crispin but we will be checking it out tomorrow on bank holiday Thursday Anzac day (goon is in the fridge). Took us about 5 hours get here saw a lot of the outback few animals Wallabies, Kangaroos, Snakes etc. did about 100km down just a bumpy dust road was a fucking nightmare, the pleasure I got when I finally reached tarmac was almost as good as the last time I had sex....with my hand. Tell you what though Ill never call the m6 again. More jinxed news for me too i got bit on my abdominal region by summut last week and the bite has just swelled n swelled, so it looks im pregnant with a Otter.  Yet again Had visit the Ozzy. Found out some kind of bug was living in there and I had 3 absess, which they have got rid of 2 (ouch) and put me on antibiotics for the other.  I have to go back Friday and hope they dont have to put me sleep to get rid of the other one. Since iv been here iv been Ozzy 3 times now in a month back home iv done the same in 15 years, ffs. i dont blame the insect wanting to live in me though im fit, I wouldnt mind living in Pam Anderson for a few weeks (i could prob fit in her womb too).

We will have a week off in Whitsundays/Airlie Beach so have booked a 3 days trip seeing the Coral reef etc. so gives us summut to look forward too. Also been training John how to cook im sick of cooking for everyone over here!

Well over and out guys. I will put up the pics when i get a decent wifi connection there are some good ones.

Stu & John

Chips pea wet babis yed wi cap on floatin- Wigan'ers down under maaate

$5 a pie for god sake

Well just over a week in Oz now and we are both loving it. It took us a few days to get over the jet lag and we did are first night in a hostel, seems it may take a while to adjust to being in a room with 8 people but the fact there was 5 Swedish attractive girls in the same room made it more appealing. found a pie shop and its only fiver a pie- its no Galloways or Pound Bakery.



As mentioned in the previous blog we went down to the Gold Coast to spend a long weekend with Dan Cotton & Wendy Peet who are currently residing in Burleigh Heads (search on google images lovely place) and thanks to Matty Russell sorting us tickets headed of to Skilled Park to watch Gold Coast Titans v Brisbane Broncos. Was great to finally watch a NRL game after years watching it so nice one Matty!

Go Titans

Dan, Mr Birkett and Moi

Dan & Wendy showed us the sites we had a drive to Surfers Paradise and tried are hand at body boarding unfortunately are $3 board wasn't helping us next too these pro surfer dudes, after a hard graft getting out to where the big waves up we got told of by a lifeguard and had to return to the beach. Was mad too see my old P.E teacher from Tommy More Mr Birkett over here too, hes been here 9 years now.





We went on a night out to Broad Beach just up the road we got smashed on 'Goon' (4 litre box of wine for $10) which taste like champagne by that i mean Wigan champagne (lambrini) and hit the town. I was told previous that it was strict here and to my drunken amazement i was stunned when nowhere would let me in. I manged sneak in a club with 2 very uninterested girls spent a bomb and blacked out. After liaising with the guys the next day seems everyone kinda blacked out and cant remember much. John spent more on 4 pies than he did all night.

Surfers

left shoulder dislocation

Well a top weekend but disaster as i was swimming inshore a huge wave (about 2ft) but my dodge shoulder In a dodgy position and dislocated and wouldnt pop back in-taxi for Finchy or should i say ambulance- so off to the hospital i went to pop it back in. tried the 'gas' for first time in hospital and its just like laughing gas was a great way to end a top weekend anyways, got the bill and it was only $750 so pretty cheap (thank god i got insurance). 

4 other Wigan lads arrived Jack Doherty, Phil Turner, Rob Brennan & Pat O'Neil and we decided have a little Wigan get togther. Dan was getting abit homesick after not seeing any Wigan'ers and here he was sat around a bbq and there was 9 of us. Although not been away long, again its always good seeing people from the land of pies cant beat the banter- although John continues with hes awful banter. Was just like being in Wigan with us all there, surfers paradise, rugby, rain only thing different is all the girls tans are not from Beech Hill Burners. Gutted didnt see Chloe Golding though- we badly need are haircuts ffs.

We booked back into Bunk Hostel for a week and there us 6 Wigan'ers and a poor foreign couple who along with us have been up all night due to Jack's snoring, at first I thought I was sharing a dorm with the fucking Hulk but the noises where coming from hes oraphis's. guna take some getting used to.

put a shrimp on the barby maate

We had a quiet one last night on the Goon again, good thing about us all in a dorm is we can sneak some drink in. There was a karaoke comp on in the hostel with a $100 prize so I had a bash, John was telling folk he was my manager and id been on x factor. I was looking odds on un till an Austrian angel started to sing she was amazing and made me look the singer i really am- half decent int crispin- but due to my huge fan base at the front (the lads) i came joint first somehow and got $50...drinks all round guys!!!

I felt sorry for the girl who was cleary better than me and she was travelling alone. Made it worse when she told me how much winning the $50 meant to her as she was running low on funds the thought of giving her my $50 was quickly washed away with my double vodka lemonade I had just bought with the winnings.

The boys on tour down under maaate

As i type me & John have had a few interviews and was due to start a job but decided it wernt for us but confident of having somthing sorted within the next few weeks.

so to break it down this past week:

John is a mong keeps forgetting his key and knocks everyone up to get back into the room, hes also won creep of the week award after his antics last night, he didnt no we was watching but it was like a re-incarnation of Peter Sutcliffe! tongue was out all night.
Goon is amazing
Jack needs sleep on his side (so does Brennan)
im rainman
Dan, Wendy & Matty are legends for sorting us out this week
Dan & Wendy will never play tennis
The lies you can tell are funny...iv won come dine with me back home, been on xfactor, rugby player you can be whoever you want to be.

This weekend guna be another Wigan invasion with Dec Mcgloughin and Elliot coming up for the weekend for Decs bday so with that idiot out this weekend im sure to have some good material for next time...

Over and out

Stu & John

p.s found this pic its me on the left and John on the right